Reviewing this CD (EP, really) is a challenge for two reasons. First of all, I lack the medical background to be able to lavish upon your comparatively virgin-like souls the English translations of some of the, um, topics covered in the eight tracks uncompromisingly comprising this album. Second, every time I see the cover it makes my stomach turn - looking at it too often might cure you of a desire to perform cunnilingus for the rest of your days. Unless you're 'lucky' enough to have premature Alzheimer's wipe the horrid memory away...

Kutschurft is a, shall we say, side project of a few members of local extreme metal bands. I know one of them personally, and it's quite a shock to the system to realise that the humorous, soft-spoken, eloquent, modest Jorre J. from U. in fact seems to be the vocal and lyrical mind sitting, grinning smugly, behind the filth that's on this CD. "Kutschurft", incidentally, is a Dutch slang term for a seriously non-groovy disease that may (or may not) be called 'vaginal scabies'. The various songs include a politically involved track about the disease wished upon parasites of the Dutch social welfare system, the desire of a particular female to perform fellatio on a phallus lacking something in the foreskin stretch area, things to do anally in a Dixie (a Port-A-Toilet), the inspired combination of the female face and faeces, and most infamously the acts of sodomy that may be committed on colostomy patients exclusively.

The most intellectually stimulating band since old Carcass, is what I say. The most mature CD since Vulcano's "Als Je Haar Maar Goed Zit", surpassed only by the content of the band's Guestbook. Possibly the most groundbreaking Dutch-language recording this side of Arno and Gratje's "Pappie, Ik Zie Tranen In Je O-O-gen."

Als je de lol ervan kunt inzien is het een erg grappige, rete-zwaar klinkende CD die de 7 Euro die de zieke zielen ervoor vragen zeker waard is. En wat een oom-neukend groffe rochel-strot, de gezamenlijke gedoemde koren van alle zombie-graven zijn er niks bij.

And if you didn't understand that sentence, the CD is wasted on you to begin with. Their parents must be proud.

"...en nu aan de slag..."



Written February 2002


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